As mentioned earlier, last weekend baby and I went out in public... taped tight in an ABU. Unfortunately, my bladder let me down before we left the house, so my first public outing and I was soaked before I left.
I think there's definitely an air of excitement when out in public - but also so much worrying that it's obvious, or forgetting the nappy shows when I bend over - a mixed bag really! I think having baby with me helped me feel calmer - it's not really something I'd do on my own! But I do enjoy wearing with baby!
The problem was, by wetting beforehand, the nappy (which had been taped tight and snug), bunched up and pretty much crushed my manly parts... so after an hour I had to rush to a toilet to remove the nappy and save my bits! However, baby was dry when we left, and wet in Tesco without me knowing! She's a lot more experienced and brave than I am!
We shall see if next baby weekend I end up in public again - if I do, I'll certainly not wet before I leave!!!
January 26, 2010
Baby Weekend
(Sorry everyone - I will be adding reviews when I get a free weekend to wear/take pictures)
In the meantime, I thought I'd make a post about the baby weekend that baby and I had recently. After finding out I'd bought a pack of ABU, baby was incredibly excited to try them out - and as daddy, I was incredibly excited to see them on such a cute baby!
So our typical baby evening starts with a little bit of teasing whilst we're adults - "you ok baby?", "awww is baby going to be padded tonight?" etc etc. Then when we're ready for bed, I slowly undress my princess, lay a clean nappy down on the bed, and lift baby onto it.
Then, with lots of baby talk, and blowing raspberries, I rub cream onto baby's naked bottom, sprinkle on baby powder, then slowly tape her up tightly. A snuggle will ensue, then I dress her in her favourite onesie, carry her into bed, and snuggle all night long until she falls asleep.
Sometimes, I'll carry her in my arms, and feed her from her bottle - but no matter what we do, I always make sure I carry her in my arms as snuggly as possible, to ensure she feels incredibly small.
However, this weekend I added a little more to the mix - at 3 am, baby had soaked her ABU, so I woke from a deep sleep to take care of her - straight into a fresh Cuddlz with lots more cream and powder, then back in her onesie. I think it might have been one of the best sleeps we've had together!
In the morning, I woke to find baby had wet again, but the Cuddlz saved the day with their awesome thickness! We spent the rest of the morning snuggled - then baby suggested we both wear ABU out to the cinema... brave baby!
So all in all, a pretty awesome baby weekend, and I certainly feel closer to her with each day we're together!
In the meantime, I thought I'd make a post about the baby weekend that baby and I had recently. After finding out I'd bought a pack of ABU, baby was incredibly excited to try them out - and as daddy, I was incredibly excited to see them on such a cute baby!
So our typical baby evening starts with a little bit of teasing whilst we're adults - "you ok baby?", "awww is baby going to be padded tonight?" etc etc. Then when we're ready for bed, I slowly undress my princess, lay a clean nappy down on the bed, and lift baby onto it.
Then, with lots of baby talk, and blowing raspberries, I rub cream onto baby's naked bottom, sprinkle on baby powder, then slowly tape her up tightly. A snuggle will ensue, then I dress her in her favourite onesie, carry her into bed, and snuggle all night long until she falls asleep.
Sometimes, I'll carry her in my arms, and feed her from her bottle - but no matter what we do, I always make sure I carry her in my arms as snuggly as possible, to ensure she feels incredibly small.
However, this weekend I added a little more to the mix - at 3 am, baby had soaked her ABU, so I woke from a deep sleep to take care of her - straight into a fresh Cuddlz with lots more cream and powder, then back in her onesie. I think it might have been one of the best sleeps we've had together!
In the morning, I woke to find baby had wet again, but the Cuddlz saved the day with their awesome thickness! We spent the rest of the morning snuggled - then baby suggested we both wear ABU out to the cinema... brave baby!
So all in all, a pretty awesome baby weekend, and I certainly feel closer to her with each day we're together!
January 19, 2010
Nappy Reviews
Apologies to anyone reading this from the US - I've decided to refer to diapers as nappies, seeing as I'm from the UK!
Anyway, I have ordered a pack of ABU Super Dry Kids, and have a few Cuddlz lying around - so I shall attempt a review/comparison of each fairly soon. For anyone not aware, Cuddlz are the UK version of Bambino (or at least they appear to be!)
However, one could argue I'm spoiling myself - I haven't yet tried any of the "normal" nappy brands, so am probably setting myself up for disappointment when I do!
Anyway, I have ordered a pack of ABU Super Dry Kids, and have a few Cuddlz lying around - so I shall attempt a review/comparison of each fairly soon. For anyone not aware, Cuddlz are the UK version of Bambino (or at least they appear to be!)
However, one could argue I'm spoiling myself - I haven't yet tried any of the "normal" nappy brands, so am probably setting myself up for disappointment when I do!
January 16, 2010
Over-indulgance
I have over-indulged a little in the past few days after not wearing for a long time (other than the occasional times I can steal one off daddy) and now I suffer the consequences.
I have a rash.
That'll teach me I suppose!
*note to self; use cream and powder for next few changes!*
I have a rash.
That'll teach me I suppose!
*note to self; use cream and powder for next few changes!*
January 15, 2010
Long Distance
Daddy and I unfortunately have a long distance relationship. We see each other whenever possible, but sometimes life gets in the way and we have to make do with phone and email. However, poor daddy - I am a VERY needy baby! Don't know how he puts up with it! But somehow he does and he can make me feel warm and fluttery from many miles away.
And this is how:
*gently stroke your hair, and kiss your forehead, still rocking you gently until i can hear you heavily breathing*
*gently lift you to your crib, and start to tuck you in*
*i see your eyes open slightly, and you look scared*
"don't worry, you were just drifting off to dream land"
"daddy's moved you to your crib so you can have wonderful dreams"
*kiss my beautiful baby on the head, and tuck her in tight*
"sleep well baby, you're the best little girl ever "
"and daddy loves you very much!"
How awesome is that?!
This was the finale to what was basically an hour of pure fantasy.
I was being a bratty little baby, claiming I was a 'big girl' and didn't need my nappies.
Well, we all know that's a lie! And boy did Daddy proove it!
I got a spanking for being such a naughty girl and put firmly back in my nappies where I belong! Then Daddy held me as I sobbed from the result of my spanking, and let me know how much he loves me, then dressed me for bed in a clean nappy and a onesie, and held me in his arms until I drifted off to sleep. Then he put me in my crib (which is the part of the fantasy above) and littleabgirl was off to dream land.
I truely have the best daddy in the world!!!
And this is how:
*gently stroke your hair, and kiss your forehead, still rocking you gently until i can hear you heavily breathing*
*gently lift you to your crib, and start to tuck you in*
*i see your eyes open slightly, and you look scared*
"don't worry, you were just drifting off to dream land"
"daddy's moved you to your crib so you can have wonderful dreams"
*kiss my beautiful baby on the head, and tuck her in tight*
"sleep well baby, you're the best little girl ever "
"and daddy loves you very much!"
How awesome is that?!
This was the finale to what was basically an hour of pure fantasy.
I was being a bratty little baby, claiming I was a 'big girl' and didn't need my nappies.
Well, we all know that's a lie! And boy did Daddy proove it!
I got a spanking for being such a naughty girl and put firmly back in my nappies where I belong! Then Daddy held me as I sobbed from the result of my spanking, and let me know how much he loves me, then dressed me for bed in a clean nappy and a onesie, and held me in his arms until I drifted off to sleep. Then he put me in my crib (which is the part of the fantasy above) and littleabgirl was off to dream land.
I truely have the best daddy in the world!!!
January 14, 2010
Getting Started
I suppose I should start by introducing myself a little. I'm a 20+ AB girl. I have a wonderful boyfriend who acts as my Daddy and I couldn't be happier with him. He covered how we met so I don't need to go into detail over that, all I can add is that when I first saw him I knew he was the only person for me and embarassingly I threw myself at him and probably almost broke his back with the huge bear hug I gave him! Luckily he understood!
So, onto my childhood and how my fetish began:
I was the youngest of my many siblings and so was often a little ignored. I suppose that is how my infantalism developed. I know a lot of people often say the youngest gets the most attention and I don't know, maybe they usually do? However that is not how things were in my family. Anything I did as a child had already been done by my older siblings so was never anything special. There are very few pictures of me as a baby as my parents had already done the obsessive photo taking stage with the other kids. There aren't a lot of stories about me as a child, though I often ask. All I know is that I quite often had a cold and didn't like loud noises.
My parents, although loving in their own way, didn't openly show affection and would often work 6 days a week until late evenings so I quickly became self dependant. I was a latch-key kid from about year 4 (around age 8), walking myself home from school, staying in the house alone, going up the shops by myself, making my own dinner and just generally looking after myself. My parents didn't really show much interest in my school work as they just didn't have time. Also, through the lack of discipline at home - my eldest sister would quite often look after us when my parents were at work, I was beaten up quite alot by my brothers. They found it funny. I did not. I can safely say that a lot my childhood was probably spent in tears because of the bullying, both physically and verbally. At least that's how I remember it.
I don't remember a specific realisation of my desires. One of my earliest memories was of my mother and I in a supermarket. I was screaming and begging her for a pack of child sized nappies 'for my dolls'. She was ignoring me and marching away from my tantrum. That is one of my earliest memories and I suppose it cements the knowledge in me that I have always had these desires. I remember thinking up that lie about it being for my dolls, desperately wanting to wear those nappies for myself and deep down, feeling very embarassed and ashamed of myself. I was young at this time, around 5 probably, but I just knew I wanted those nappies for me and I had to have them.
I suppose these feelings began to disappear as I grew older, however I would always stare enviously at babies getting fussed over by their parents and wish I was them. Safe and secure and so obviously loved. As soon as I thought this however, the deepest feelings of shame and loathing would wash over me and I would inwardly berate myself for being such a freak.
When I reached puberty the feelings began to re-surface and again. I would squash them down, calling myself a freak, feeling like the only person in the world who could possibly think such thoughts and have such 'weird' desires.
One day, i'd say I was probably 16 at the time, I was looking through a magazine at the personals section, laughing, as you do, at the 'big chested female seeks well endowed male' adverts in my own immature way when I came across one add that struck me. Even today I can still remember it almost perfectly word for word; 'Genuine Adult-baby seeks mummy/mistress...'. Well, needless to say I was quite gobsmacked. I asked my mother what an 'adult baby' was and she explained; adults who like to act as babies, get looked after etc.
I was completely taken aback! The thought of other people actually wanting what I wanted? Having the same desires as me? It seemed impossible but there was the proof, literally in black and white on the page infront of me! I was so excited.
That night I searched the Internet and lo and behold, I found hundreds of AB/DL sites from all corners of the world! It was incredible! I was so happy! To know I wasn't alone was almost euphoric.
But then the shame came back and in a big way. I cleared my history, turned the computer off and skuttled off to bed deeply ashamed at myself. I spent most of that night telling myself what a freak I was and how I shouldn't think like this and want these desires, I mean, what sort of person wants to be put back in nappies? To be fed by a bottle? To be cradled?
For the next few years I struggled to repress the Adult baby side of myself however, once a month or so I would look again, a sneaky peak at one or two websites before the shame came back. Soon the temptation was too much and I was sneaking on the computer more and more, becoming once a forenight, once a week, once a day and slowly, the shame began to ebb away.
Through soul searching I realised that this is what I was. I couldn't help it, there were others like me and they seemed like reasonable nice people so why feel ashamed? I wasn't hurting anybody, I wasn't endangering anybody or anything and I wasn't breaking the law, so what was so bad about wanting to be a baby again? I just wanted to be taken care of again and so did they. What was wrong with that?
After reading a few essays by various psychologists I realised that my desires were probably a result of my independent childhood and latch-key lifestyle. This also helped me come to terms with what I was. I wasn't some weirdo or freak, I wasn't anything dirty, I was just a girl trying to regain some of the love and care I hadn't experienced enough in my childhood.
So slowly I began to experiment. I brought a pair of Tena pants from the local pharmacy, using the old lie 'they're for my elderly neighbour'. They were ok but not enough. Then I bought baby nappies - pampers size 6 and pull-ups size 5 - both fit but not very comfortably so it ruined the mood for me. I still enjoyed them but it felt like something was missing.
Then many years later I summed up the courage to buy Tena Maxi Slip and Lille's and lets just say, I've never looked back!
I now have nappies, a dummy that I am addicted to (as dl-daddy can tell you!) and a onesie. I also have a wonderful Boyfriend who not only understands my desires, but has them himself and knows exactly where I am coming from in my need for nappies. He takes care of me, often cuddling me, taping me into a nappy them wrapping me up and cradling me in his arms. Everything I've ever wanted.
We try to keep 'baby-time' in moderation though. We want our relationship to develop and don't want it to suffer through too much baby time and not enough adult time. So far it's working well for us and I hope it continues to do so.
So that is my story. Please don't think I want symathy or help. Just understanding that what we're doing, that is dl-daddy and I, we do not perceive as wrong or 'freakish'. We know why we do it, we can't help but feel the way we do and have the desires we do. But through each other we've found understanding and just hope other people can find that too, and if my story helps in that, then all the better!
xxx
So, onto my childhood and how my fetish began:
I was the youngest of my many siblings and so was often a little ignored. I suppose that is how my infantalism developed. I know a lot of people often say the youngest gets the most attention and I don't know, maybe they usually do? However that is not how things were in my family. Anything I did as a child had already been done by my older siblings so was never anything special. There are very few pictures of me as a baby as my parents had already done the obsessive photo taking stage with the other kids. There aren't a lot of stories about me as a child, though I often ask. All I know is that I quite often had a cold and didn't like loud noises.
My parents, although loving in their own way, didn't openly show affection and would often work 6 days a week until late evenings so I quickly became self dependant. I was a latch-key kid from about year 4 (around age 8), walking myself home from school, staying in the house alone, going up the shops by myself, making my own dinner and just generally looking after myself. My parents didn't really show much interest in my school work as they just didn't have time. Also, through the lack of discipline at home - my eldest sister would quite often look after us when my parents were at work, I was beaten up quite alot by my brothers. They found it funny. I did not. I can safely say that a lot my childhood was probably spent in tears because of the bullying, both physically and verbally. At least that's how I remember it.
I don't remember a specific realisation of my desires. One of my earliest memories was of my mother and I in a supermarket. I was screaming and begging her for a pack of child sized nappies 'for my dolls'. She was ignoring me and marching away from my tantrum. That is one of my earliest memories and I suppose it cements the knowledge in me that I have always had these desires. I remember thinking up that lie about it being for my dolls, desperately wanting to wear those nappies for myself and deep down, feeling very embarassed and ashamed of myself. I was young at this time, around 5 probably, but I just knew I wanted those nappies for me and I had to have them.
I suppose these feelings began to disappear as I grew older, however I would always stare enviously at babies getting fussed over by their parents and wish I was them. Safe and secure and so obviously loved. As soon as I thought this however, the deepest feelings of shame and loathing would wash over me and I would inwardly berate myself for being such a freak.
When I reached puberty the feelings began to re-surface and again. I would squash them down, calling myself a freak, feeling like the only person in the world who could possibly think such thoughts and have such 'weird' desires.
One day, i'd say I was probably 16 at the time, I was looking through a magazine at the personals section, laughing, as you do, at the 'big chested female seeks well endowed male' adverts in my own immature way when I came across one add that struck me. Even today I can still remember it almost perfectly word for word; 'Genuine Adult-baby seeks mummy/mistress...'. Well, needless to say I was quite gobsmacked. I asked my mother what an 'adult baby' was and she explained; adults who like to act as babies, get looked after etc.
I was completely taken aback! The thought of other people actually wanting what I wanted? Having the same desires as me? It seemed impossible but there was the proof, literally in black and white on the page infront of me! I was so excited.
That night I searched the Internet and lo and behold, I found hundreds of AB/DL sites from all corners of the world! It was incredible! I was so happy! To know I wasn't alone was almost euphoric.
But then the shame came back and in a big way. I cleared my history, turned the computer off and skuttled off to bed deeply ashamed at myself. I spent most of that night telling myself what a freak I was and how I shouldn't think like this and want these desires, I mean, what sort of person wants to be put back in nappies? To be fed by a bottle? To be cradled?
For the next few years I struggled to repress the Adult baby side of myself however, once a month or so I would look again, a sneaky peak at one or two websites before the shame came back. Soon the temptation was too much and I was sneaking on the computer more and more, becoming once a forenight, once a week, once a day and slowly, the shame began to ebb away.
Through soul searching I realised that this is what I was. I couldn't help it, there were others like me and they seemed like reasonable nice people so why feel ashamed? I wasn't hurting anybody, I wasn't endangering anybody or anything and I wasn't breaking the law, so what was so bad about wanting to be a baby again? I just wanted to be taken care of again and so did they. What was wrong with that?
After reading a few essays by various psychologists I realised that my desires were probably a result of my independent childhood and latch-key lifestyle. This also helped me come to terms with what I was. I wasn't some weirdo or freak, I wasn't anything dirty, I was just a girl trying to regain some of the love and care I hadn't experienced enough in my childhood.
So slowly I began to experiment. I brought a pair of Tena pants from the local pharmacy, using the old lie 'they're for my elderly neighbour'. They were ok but not enough. Then I bought baby nappies - pampers size 6 and pull-ups size 5 - both fit but not very comfortably so it ruined the mood for me. I still enjoyed them but it felt like something was missing.
Then many years later I summed up the courage to buy Tena Maxi Slip and Lille's and lets just say, I've never looked back!
I now have nappies, a dummy that I am addicted to (as dl-daddy can tell you!) and a onesie. I also have a wonderful Boyfriend who not only understands my desires, but has them himself and knows exactly where I am coming from in my need for nappies. He takes care of me, often cuddling me, taping me into a nappy them wrapping me up and cradling me in his arms. Everything I've ever wanted.
We try to keep 'baby-time' in moderation though. We want our relationship to develop and don't want it to suffer through too much baby time and not enough adult time. So far it's working well for us and I hope it continues to do so.
So that is my story. Please don't think I want symathy or help. Just understanding that what we're doing, that is dl-daddy and I, we do not perceive as wrong or 'freakish'. We know why we do it, we can't help but feel the way we do and have the desires we do. But through each other we've found understanding and just hope other people can find that too, and if my story helps in that, then all the better!
xxx
Meeting littleabgirl
As I mentioned earlier, I met my girlfriend/little girl through Diaperbook. After getting my Bambinos, I decided to try to understand the lifestyle more by getting to know other AB/DLs - with the first step being creating a profile on the "lifestyle friendly" websites - Diaperspace and Diaperbook.
With the anonymous nature of the Internet, I felt safe enough to post a fairly comprehensive profile on both sites, and started contacting people in the UK to make friends. Whilst most of my attempts to make friends fell short of my expectations (no response, or very little), one reply caught my eye. She appeared to be friendly, polite, and someone I could talk to about things.
One thing I've learnt about contacting people online is that just because you're anonymous, you don't have to be a jerk! So a friendly message replying, asking how she was, how long she'd been ab/dl, which she felt she was, quickly turned into frequent messages - sometimes two or three a day. The key thing, is that the conversations weren't just about the lifestyle, we started to find out other things about each other, hobbies, likes/dislikes, friends, schooling, plans for the future - the sort of things you'd ask in general conversations.
Slowly, our talking diverted from mainly AB oriented, to discussing Uni choices, and actually being there for each other as friends. We didn't set out with the intention of dating, but after so many things clicked, it seemed the right thing to do. Well, to meet up at least!
After 4 months of messaging, msn, and texting (brave/stupid enough to swap numbers before meeting), we arranged to meet up - public place etc, following the usual rules. Now I guess littleabgirl will add her own perspective on everything fairly soon, but I have to admit, I never quite expected meeting up to actually work - yet the moment we saw each other, we already were holding hands, and it felt like fate had guided us together (I apologise to anyone who doesn't believe in fate etc)!
But regardless, we spent our first meeting just chatting, sharing concerns/reliefs, and by the end of the day had decided to officially "date" - whilst some may think it was too early, I've never clicked this easily with past girlfriends - so wasn't going to knock a good thing! And I'm certainly happy that I took the risk of meeting, as I've not only met a perfect girl, I've made a best friend! And I can only hope the same for anyone reading this blog.
Daddy
With the anonymous nature of the Internet, I felt safe enough to post a fairly comprehensive profile on both sites, and started contacting people in the UK to make friends. Whilst most of my attempts to make friends fell short of my expectations (no response, or very little), one reply caught my eye. She appeared to be friendly, polite, and someone I could talk to about things.
One thing I've learnt about contacting people online is that just because you're anonymous, you don't have to be a jerk! So a friendly message replying, asking how she was, how long she'd been ab/dl, which she felt she was, quickly turned into frequent messages - sometimes two or three a day. The key thing, is that the conversations weren't just about the lifestyle, we started to find out other things about each other, hobbies, likes/dislikes, friends, schooling, plans for the future - the sort of things you'd ask in general conversations.
Slowly, our talking diverted from mainly AB oriented, to discussing Uni choices, and actually being there for each other as friends. We didn't set out with the intention of dating, but after so many things clicked, it seemed the right thing to do. Well, to meet up at least!
After 4 months of messaging, msn, and texting (brave/stupid enough to swap numbers before meeting), we arranged to meet up - public place etc, following the usual rules. Now I guess littleabgirl will add her own perspective on everything fairly soon, but I have to admit, I never quite expected meeting up to actually work - yet the moment we saw each other, we already were holding hands, and it felt like fate had guided us together (I apologise to anyone who doesn't believe in fate etc)!
But regardless, we spent our first meeting just chatting, sharing concerns/reliefs, and by the end of the day had decided to officially "date" - whilst some may think it was too early, I've never clicked this easily with past girlfriends - so wasn't going to knock a good thing! And I'm certainly happy that I took the risk of meeting, as I've not only met a perfect girl, I've made a best friend! And I can only hope the same for anyone reading this blog.
Daddy
Origins of it all
Over the years, I have read countless stories regarding how people realised they were AB/DL/Sissy etc. If there's one thing I've noticed, there doesn't seem to be a common pattern per se - but everyone seems to have an event/experience in their childhood they can pinpoint for a possible reason...
For me, I have a few theories on why I am who I am. Firstly, I am according to my parents, a fast learner - reading before starting nursery, simple maths in kindergarten/reception class. All this contributed to a sense of being a "clever boy" - and needing to perform at my best, all the time, with the fear of disappointing Mum and Dad. So any acting young would quickly be discouraged - I was mature and polite and they were oh so proud of me, I didn't need to act like a baby!
Secondly, I am the eldest of three - so it was up to me to look after and be a good "Big Brother" for my Brother and Sister. Again, acting young was a bad thing, and I should be setting a good example for them!
Both of these parts of my childhood really discouraged being young, and that it was something wrong.
Furthermore, when I was in nursery, a child had an accident, and the teacher - who did favour me over the other children (for being well behaved etc.) - asked me in front of everyone, whether or not it was me who'd had an accident, and did I need changing? I remember feeling horribly embarassed that someone would assume I was a baby like that (of course my parents had potty trained me to be a big boy!)
Additionally, my Father would always threaten us with being put back in diapers - "if you want to behave like a baby, then I'll put you back in diapers and you can be a baby" - horribly embarassing at the time (though later in life I started to wish I'd called his bluff on it)!
So in retrospect, my childhood mainly consisted of growing up, acting mature, and not acting like a baby - or in other words, my childhood was just early adulthood! So I guess really it's not too surprising that I'm trying to reclaim the childhood I never had!
Daddy
For me, I have a few theories on why I am who I am. Firstly, I am according to my parents, a fast learner - reading before starting nursery, simple maths in kindergarten/reception class. All this contributed to a sense of being a "clever boy" - and needing to perform at my best, all the time, with the fear of disappointing Mum and Dad. So any acting young would quickly be discouraged - I was mature and polite and they were oh so proud of me, I didn't need to act like a baby!
Secondly, I am the eldest of three - so it was up to me to look after and be a good "Big Brother" for my Brother and Sister. Again, acting young was a bad thing, and I should be setting a good example for them!
Both of these parts of my childhood really discouraged being young, and that it was something wrong.
Furthermore, when I was in nursery, a child had an accident, and the teacher - who did favour me over the other children (for being well behaved etc.) - asked me in front of everyone, whether or not it was me who'd had an accident, and did I need changing? I remember feeling horribly embarassed that someone would assume I was a baby like that (of course my parents had potty trained me to be a big boy!)
Additionally, my Father would always threaten us with being put back in diapers - "if you want to behave like a baby, then I'll put you back in diapers and you can be a baby" - horribly embarassing at the time (though later in life I started to wish I'd called his bluff on it)!
So in retrospect, my childhood mainly consisted of growing up, acting mature, and not acting like a baby - or in other words, my childhood was just early adulthood! So I guess really it's not too surprising that I'm trying to reclaim the childhood I never had!
Daddy
My Story : dl-daddy
I apologise for the long post, but I thought it only fair to share the story of my "becoming" an AB/DL.
My first memory of diapers was at the age of 10 - my younger sister would dress her teddies in baby diapers - and whilst the details are unclear to me, I remember being in my bedroom, untaping the diaper from a teddy I had at the time, and trying to tape myself up. This is a self contained memory - the next I can remember is a few years later.
I must have just started puberty, and I remember waking one day after dreaming I was at a sleepover with my friend, and he brought diapers for us to wear. This was the first time I remember waking from a dream, and wanting to go straight back! The comfort and security my mind had created was a perfect experience, and I wanted to stay there forever.
At this point, we had one computer in the house connected to AOL (something I will never subject my children to!). Somehow I managed to get past its ridiculous content filtering, and after a lot of googling, found http://understanding.infantilism.org/. I must admit, at age 14, this was a very scary site - mainly because it explained everything I'd been feeling after the dream. Further web surfing cememented the idea that I was an infantilist - and the "rational" part of my mind decided I should tell my Mother about this.
This basically consisted of "I think I might be an infantilist... I had this dream etc and I think it's something weird about me." Followed by tears, Mum telling me it was just a dream, then a fair few awkward months where she'd ask me if I'd had more dreams... so learnt from that and never mentioned it again!
I hid the desires from myself until I hit mid teens, got my own internet connection, and boy, the websites had developed a lot by then! From here, I discovered Attends, the diapergals forum, and after a lot of soul searching, decided I was a DL. The appeal of the diaper wouldn't leave me, and when I was 16, I took the plunge and ordered a sample of Attends. After taping up, it felt perfect, and I quickly fell asleep content - only to be rudely awoken in the middle of the night by my bladder - ambitiously, tried to use the diaper, which didn't happen - off goes the diaper, up to the toilet, then an overwhelming shame at what I'd done.
Again, I hid the desires again until I started at University. At first, making new friends kept me distracted, but as I hit the end of puberty, the desires had reared their ugly head for good. I'd spend countless nights trawling AB forums and video sites, wishing I could wear again, but the shame of the last experience stopped me from trying.
So for most of my life, I was a DL online, but my real life didn't overlap. I just hadn't totally accepted that it was a part of me, feared sharing it with a partner, so tried to hide it from myself.
It wasn't until June last year, on one of my typical internet AB/DL sessions, I discovered Bambinos through adisc.org. At which point, possibly my AB side kicked in; I couldn't resist the idea of a babyish diaper - and ordered a sample. I had a fair few nights wearing in bed, with the best sleep I'd had in years - and when they were gone (no attempts at wetting however), then I was hooked. I was a definite DL, and possibly AB.
Again, through adisc, I discovered diaperbook, and met littleabgirl - whilst I will save the ins and outs of our "courting" for another post, one key thing from it was a deeper feeling of AB/DL inside - she opened my eyes, and helped me realise how big a part of me this is.
So I ordered a full case of diapers from cuddlz.com, and they've been sitting in my wardrobe for whenever the urges arise. I also do have a onesie and dummy for the times that I need to regress, usually when littleabgirl is paying me a visit!
But to conclude, I am finally happy with who I am, who I'm with, and the "secret" side to me. I generally will wear once or twice a month, with the addition of baby time with littleabgirl. It is not my intention to go 24/7; I treat this as a side of me to indulge when the time is right, with the fear of ruining a good thing with overindulging.
Daddy
My first memory of diapers was at the age of 10 - my younger sister would dress her teddies in baby diapers - and whilst the details are unclear to me, I remember being in my bedroom, untaping the diaper from a teddy I had at the time, and trying to tape myself up. This is a self contained memory - the next I can remember is a few years later.
I must have just started puberty, and I remember waking one day after dreaming I was at a sleepover with my friend, and he brought diapers for us to wear. This was the first time I remember waking from a dream, and wanting to go straight back! The comfort and security my mind had created was a perfect experience, and I wanted to stay there forever.
At this point, we had one computer in the house connected to AOL (something I will never subject my children to!). Somehow I managed to get past its ridiculous content filtering, and after a lot of googling, found http://understanding.infantilism.org/. I must admit, at age 14, this was a very scary site - mainly because it explained everything I'd been feeling after the dream. Further web surfing cememented the idea that I was an infantilist - and the "rational" part of my mind decided I should tell my Mother about this.
This basically consisted of "I think I might be an infantilist... I had this dream etc and I think it's something weird about me." Followed by tears, Mum telling me it was just a dream, then a fair few awkward months where she'd ask me if I'd had more dreams... so learnt from that and never mentioned it again!
I hid the desires from myself until I hit mid teens, got my own internet connection, and boy, the websites had developed a lot by then! From here, I discovered Attends, the diapergals forum, and after a lot of soul searching, decided I was a DL. The appeal of the diaper wouldn't leave me, and when I was 16, I took the plunge and ordered a sample of Attends. After taping up, it felt perfect, and I quickly fell asleep content - only to be rudely awoken in the middle of the night by my bladder - ambitiously, tried to use the diaper, which didn't happen - off goes the diaper, up to the toilet, then an overwhelming shame at what I'd done.
Again, I hid the desires again until I started at University. At first, making new friends kept me distracted, but as I hit the end of puberty, the desires had reared their ugly head for good. I'd spend countless nights trawling AB forums and video sites, wishing I could wear again, but the shame of the last experience stopped me from trying.
So for most of my life, I was a DL online, but my real life didn't overlap. I just hadn't totally accepted that it was a part of me, feared sharing it with a partner, so tried to hide it from myself.
It wasn't until June last year, on one of my typical internet AB/DL sessions, I discovered Bambinos through adisc.org. At which point, possibly my AB side kicked in; I couldn't resist the idea of a babyish diaper - and ordered a sample. I had a fair few nights wearing in bed, with the best sleep I'd had in years - and when they were gone (no attempts at wetting however), then I was hooked. I was a definite DL, and possibly AB.
Again, through adisc, I discovered diaperbook, and met littleabgirl - whilst I will save the ins and outs of our "courting" for another post, one key thing from it was a deeper feeling of AB/DL inside - she opened my eyes, and helped me realise how big a part of me this is.
So I ordered a full case of diapers from cuddlz.com, and they've been sitting in my wardrobe for whenever the urges arise. I also do have a onesie and dummy for the times that I need to regress, usually when littleabgirl is paying me a visit!
But to conclude, I am finally happy with who I am, who I'm with, and the "secret" side to me. I generally will wear once or twice a month, with the addition of baby time with littleabgirl. It is not my intention to go 24/7; I treat this as a side of me to indulge when the time is right, with the fear of ruining a good thing with overindulging.
Daddy
January 13, 2010
Introduction
I will first start by making a few assumptions about the readers of this blog: either you are aware of the AB/DL lifestyle, or have stumbled upon this whilst trying to find out about the lifestyle. The reason we make this assumption, is that it will allow us to use common abreviations, brands, websites, without needing explanation. If this means you feel alienated, then feel free to leave a comment asking for clarification.
So who is "us"? As you can see from the contributers, there is myself, dl-daddy, and my girlfriend, littleabgirl. Our intentions for this blog is to have an open space to share our thoughts on the lifestyle, and any experiences we have surrounding it (either together, or individually).
We are both in our early 20s, and share a strong interest in the AB/DL lifestyle, however I tend towards DL/Daddy (but sometimes needing to regress into AB when Mummy is ok with it) , and littleabgirl is most definitely AB, and certainly knows how to play games with Daddy!
We met through Diaperbook, and after a few months of regular messaging/msn, discovered we shared a lot of outside interests, so met up and started a relationship together (albeit longer distance than preferred, but gives a great opportunity for individual posts.)
Here concludes the introduction, I hope you enjoy!
Daddy
So who is "us"? As you can see from the contributers, there is myself, dl-daddy, and my girlfriend, littleabgirl. Our intentions for this blog is to have an open space to share our thoughts on the lifestyle, and any experiences we have surrounding it (either together, or individually).
We are both in our early 20s, and share a strong interest in the AB/DL lifestyle, however I tend towards DL/Daddy (but sometimes needing to regress into AB when Mummy is ok with it) , and littleabgirl is most definitely AB, and certainly knows how to play games with Daddy!
We met through Diaperbook, and after a few months of regular messaging/msn, discovered we shared a lot of outside interests, so met up and started a relationship together (albeit longer distance than preferred, but gives a great opportunity for individual posts.)
Here concludes the introduction, I hope you enjoy!
Daddy
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