Getting Started

I suppose I should start by introducing myself a little. I'm a 20+ AB girl. I have a wonderful boyfriend who acts as my Daddy and I couldn't be happier with him. He covered how we met so I don't need to go into detail over that, all I can add is that when I first saw him I knew he was the only person for me and embarassingly I threw myself at him and probably almost broke his back with the huge bear hug I gave him! Luckily he understood!

So, onto my childhood and how my fetish began:

I was the youngest of my many siblings and so was often a little ignored. I suppose that is how my infantalism developed. I know a lot of people often say the youngest gets the most attention and I don't know, maybe they usually do? However that is not how things were in my family. Anything I did as a child had already been done by my older siblings so was never anything special. There are very few pictures of me as a baby as my parents had already done the obsessive photo taking stage with the other kids. There aren't a lot of stories about me as a child, though I often ask. All I know is that I quite often had a cold and didn't like loud noises.

My parents, although loving in their own way, didn't openly show affection and would often work 6 days a week until late evenings so I quickly became self dependant. I was a latch-key kid from about year 4 (around age 8), walking myself home from school, staying in the house alone, going up the shops by myself, making my own dinner and just generally looking after myself. My parents didn't really show much interest in my school work as they just didn't have time. Also, through the lack of discipline at home - my eldest sister would quite often look after us when my parents were at work, I was beaten up quite alot by my brothers. They found it funny. I did not. I can safely say that a lot my childhood was probably spent in tears because of the bullying, both physically and verbally. At least that's how I remember it.

I don't remember a specific realisation of my desires. One of my earliest memories was of my mother and I in a supermarket. I was screaming and begging her for a pack of child sized nappies 'for my dolls'. She was ignoring me and marching away from my tantrum. That is one of my earliest memories and I suppose it cements the knowledge in me that I have always had these desires. I remember thinking up that lie about it being for my dolls, desperately wanting to wear those nappies for myself and deep down, feeling very embarassed and ashamed of myself. I was young at this time, around 5 probably, but I just knew I wanted those nappies for me and I had to have them.

I suppose these feelings began to disappear as I grew older, however I would always stare enviously at babies getting fussed over by their parents and wish I was them. Safe and secure and so obviously loved. As soon as I thought this however, the deepest feelings of shame and loathing would wash over me and I would inwardly berate myself for being such a freak.

When I reached puberty the feelings began to re-surface and again. I would squash them down, calling myself a freak, feeling like the only person in the world who could possibly think such thoughts and have such 'weird' desires.

One day, i'd say I was probably 16 at the time, I was looking through a magazine at the personals section, laughing, as you do, at the 'big chested female seeks well endowed male' adverts in my own immature way when I came across one add that struck me. Even today I can still remember it almost perfectly word for word; 'Genuine Adult-baby seeks mummy/mistress...'. Well, needless to say I was quite gobsmacked. I asked my mother what an 'adult baby' was and she explained; adults who like to act as babies, get looked after etc.

I was completely taken aback! The thought of other people actually wanting what I wanted? Having the same desires as me? It seemed impossible but there was the proof, literally in black and white on the page infront of me! I was so excited.

That night I searched the Internet and lo and behold, I found hundreds of AB/DL sites from all corners of the world! It was incredible! I was so happy! To know I wasn't alone was almost euphoric.

But then the shame came back and in a big way. I cleared my history, turned the computer off and skuttled off to bed deeply ashamed at myself. I spent most of that night telling myself what a freak I was and how I shouldn't think like this and want these desires, I mean, what sort of person wants to be put back in nappies? To be fed by a bottle? To be cradled?

For the next few years I struggled to repress the Adult baby side of myself however, once a month or so I would look again, a sneaky peak at one or two websites before the shame came back. Soon the temptation was too much and I was sneaking on the computer more and more, becoming once a forenight, once a week, once a day and slowly, the shame began to ebb away.

Through soul searching I realised that this is what I was. I couldn't help it, there were others like me and they seemed like reasonable nice people so why feel ashamed? I wasn't hurting anybody, I wasn't endangering anybody or anything and I wasn't breaking the law, so what was so bad about wanting to be a baby again? I just wanted to be taken care of again and so did they. What was wrong with that?

After reading a few essays by various psychologists I realised that my desires were probably a result of my independent childhood and latch-key lifestyle. This also helped me come to terms with what I was. I wasn't some weirdo or freak, I wasn't anything dirty, I was just a girl trying to regain some of the love and care I hadn't experienced enough in my childhood.

So slowly I began to experiment. I brought a pair of Tena pants from the local pharmacy, using the old lie 'they're for my elderly neighbour'. They were ok but not enough. Then I bought baby nappies - pampers size 6 and pull-ups size 5 - both fit but not very comfortably so it ruined the mood for me. I still enjoyed them but it felt like something was missing.

Then many years later I summed up the courage to buy Tena Maxi Slip and Lille's and lets just say, I've never looked back!

I now have nappies, a dummy that I am addicted to (as dl-daddy can tell you!) and a onesie. I also have a wonderful Boyfriend who not only understands my desires, but has them himself and knows exactly where I am coming from in my need for nappies. He takes care of me, often cuddling me, taping me into a nappy them wrapping me up and cradling me in his arms. Everything I've ever wanted.

We try to keep 'baby-time' in moderation though. We want our relationship to develop and don't want it to suffer through too much baby time and not enough adult time. So far it's working well for us and I hope it continues to do so.

So that is my story. Please don't think I want symathy or help. Just understanding that what we're doing, that is dl-daddy and I, we do not perceive as wrong or 'freakish'. We know why we do it, we can't help but feel the way we do and have the desires we do. But through each other we've found understanding and just hope other people can find that too, and if my story helps in that, then all the better!

xxx